My Dream Rider: GLITORIS

Glitoris is a fiercely political punk rock band from Canberra, ACT, about to embark on a 17-date national tour in support of their single ‘Slut Power’. They play hard, fast and loud – think militant mayhem with a sprinkling of glitter. Glitorishave performed all over the country with the likes of Regurgitator, Shonen Knife, The Meanies and FrenzalRhomb, as well as at festivals including Groovin’ The Moo. In 2019 they won the National Live Music Award for ‘Hard Rock Live Act of the Year’ and are coming to a venue near you very soon \*/

\*/ Our Dream Rider \*/

1. Gin. It can’t be just any gin. Top shelf only. Green Ant Gin, McHenrys, Dasher & Fisher, Never Never. Archie Rose. A selection of garnishes to include lemon, lime, lavender, red peppercorns and star anise. Really we want the finest gins known to humanity. We want them here and we want them now. There’s no excuses. Do not put Bombay on our rider or there’ll be trouble. Big trouble.

2. A make up artist and hair stylist that does what they need to do and then goes away.

3. An assortment of dogs. Must include puppies. For everyone. We want to pat and play with dogs because they are blessings from the universe.

4. A bungee swing. This is mainly for Keven to just hang around and bounce in.

5. A massage therapist. One each. With a bed.

6. A backline technician. We’ve never had one and we want one so bad. Job description: load all the gear in and out, set up drums and amps and pedals etc Just be a magician and fix any problem. We need to be able to turn the technician upside down and a whole heap of drum keys, 9V batteries, kettle leads, patch cables, plectrums and gaffa tape falls out all over the floor and we can just take what we need and all our backline just springs to life.

7. A snooker table and a dart board. This is mainly for Andrew. She misses her snooker a lot. If the snooker table and darts board can’t be provided, make sure there’s a telly in the corner of the green room with re-runs of World Snooker matches featuring Ronnie O’Sullivan (preferably winning) and she’ll be fine.

8. A cunnilingus gimp. This is an essential item.

9. Russell Brand. He’s there for entertainment while we’re hanging around at airports and waiting to sound check.

10. A comprehensive compendium of cosmological tools, including: a crystal ball, tarot cards and reader, a ouijaboard, a moon chart, celestial charts, some birth stones and yoni eggs. This is mainly for Scott, as she’s a mermaid from the cosmos and needs to be in touch with the universe at all times \*/

TOUR DATES:

Friday 6th March 2020 – Epilogue Lounge, Alice Springs NT

Saturday 7th March 2020 – Railway Club, Darwin NT

Friday 20th March 2020 – Vinnie’s Dive, Gold Coast QLD

Saturday 21st March 2020 – The Foundry, Brisbane QLD

Friday 3rd April 2020 – The Brisbane Hotel, Hobart TAS

Saturday 4th April 2020 – The Royal Oak, Launceston TAS

Sunday 5th April 2020 – Forth Pub, Forth TAS

Friday 17th April 2020 – Lyric’s Underground, Perth WA

Saturday 18th April 2020 – The Fire Station, Busselton WA

Sunday 19th April 2020 – Mojo’s Bar, Fremantle WA
Friday 8th May 2020 – The Cambridge Hotel, Newcastle NSW

Saturday 9th May 2020 – Oxford Art Factory Gallery, Sydney NSW